Are you disappointed or frustrated about how your marriage is going? Wondering if you should try anymore? Feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing has worked?
You’re not alone. Over 50 percent of couples go through these issues and end up getting divorced. This is a time for self exploration – delving into parts of yourself in an attempt to understand what went wrong and how to prevent the same thing from happening in the future. Considering divorce is very painful, sometimes earth shattering. You may feel anxious or depressed as your ideas about marriage and relationships transform.
Whether you stay together or not, there is a reason why one or both of you is questioning the marriage. It’s a red flag that says, “Stop! Something is not working. I am not happy. My partner is not happy.” It’s common to blame the other person. “If only they did X, Y or Z then everything would be fine.” Ironically, the other person may be thinking the exact same thing in reverse. Until you both understand 1) how your behavior contributes to the problem and 2) how to find happiness and fulfillment from within, you’ll most likely repeat the pattern in future relationships.
Our culture portrays an idealized view of relationships through movies, television, romance novels, etc. This creates a lot of unrealistic expectations of our partners which interfere with real intimacy. We expect that as soon as we find the right person, we will live happily ever after. Then, when Mr. or Ms. Right comes along, we get a rude awakening. Their presence doesn’t make everything magical. The things they need to be happy may be off-kilter or even compete with the things we need. When we’re disappointed or hurt, we may react with anger or criticism. And unless we understand the pain under the anger, it can escalate – sometimes to the point of no return.
This is why it’s essential to understand your beliefs and behaviors in intimate relationships – so that you can create your relationship with conscious awareness instead of falling into old, reactive patterns.
How could any of this be better said? It couldn’t.