Can’t stop fighting?
Communication is the most common area of difficulty in relationships. When you argue, name call, or treat each other with contempt, you erode the sense of safety and trust in a relationship. When there is verbal or emotional abuse it damages each person’s sense of integrity and self esteem. Each partner feels isolated, abandoned, blamed and worthless. This perpetuates a negative cycle in a relationship leaving both parties feeling helpless and hopeless, wondering if they are ever going to be able to get their wants and needs met.
All relationships have bumps in the road. It’s important to learn how to communicate difficult feelings, such as anger, hurt, sadness, jealousy, etc. It’s also important to tolerate negative feelings in your partner without feeling hurt or like you have to fix the problem. Disappointment and frustration are normal in any relationship – especially an intimate relationship. Love is not about avoiding painful feelings. It’s about being there for each other, even when negative feelings come up. When couples master effective communication, they are usually able to develop more intimacy, trust, and fulfillment in their relationships.
Finding it difficult to feel connected or be intimate with your partner?
Relationships go through different stages. At times, it can feel like you are drifting away from your partner. Healthy relationships have ebb and flow encompassing room for growth both individually and as a couple. It may be helpful to imagine that there are three entities in an intimate relationship: you, your partner, and the relationship itself. All three of these entities have needs that when appropriately addressed create balance, harmony and fulfillment. If one of these entitles is off balance it can create disharmony, disconnection and stress.
Because life is so demanding, and because conflict is unpleasant, many couples find that they don’t have the time or energy to attend to all three of these entities. It’s even harder if you’ve got stressful external demands – work, child rearing, helping aging parents, etc. You may feel like you don’t even have time to take care of your own needs, let alone those of your partner.
It takes conscious effort to keep relationships alive and thriving. Couple’s Counseling gives couples the time, space and tools they need to reconnect. In therapy, couples can evaluate changing expectations of one another. They can see how their styles of communication (verbal/nonverbal) are working and what needs tweaking. They can see how the balance of power within the relationship, attitudes toward sex, money, children, etc. are impacting feelings of closeness and connection. And together, they can make conscious choices about how they want to feel nurtured and supported and what steps they would like to take to strengthen the bond and renew feelings of love and closeness.
